10 Nigerian artistes who need better stage names.

This is a public service announcement to all Nigerian artists.

One, you should have outgrown your high school nickname.  Two, if you’re using a pun please find out what “pun” means first. Three, two words that have no relation to you or your music still makes no sense.  

What are we talking about?

Skuki

Choosing Skuki as a name for a duo is what happens that one time when two heads fail to be better than one. Their individual names “Voom Va” and “Pishaun” do an even worse job of excusing their collective decision to be referred to as Skuki, a word that clearly sounds like a bad name for a pet rodent.

Ice-Prince-stargist

MC Galaxy

“MC” is so 90s, but we give a free pass on that as a tribute to MC Loph, but Galaxy? The Star Wars franchise created its own fictional universe and nobody goes by this name. How did a high life singer conjure Galaxy as a stage name?

Sina Rambo

HKN’s Sina Rambo attempted to ride on the fame of legendary 70s armed robber Shina Rambo (who derived his own name from the Sylvester Stallone classic Rambo) which was a great idea…until we heard him rap. The HKN rapper should be arrested for this travesty. How do you name yourself after a warrior then proceed to rap like a cheap insecticide of the same name?

shina rambo

Ay.Com

Apparently despite the EFCC crackdowns, Ay.Com still thought it was a good idea to create this stage name for himself. His hit single “Pass me your love” even suggests that somewhere across the Atlantic there might be an older woman waiting for a phantom Nigerian prince to return the loan she sent him to cash his inheritance. No wonder he failed to blow.

Mz Kiss

So Apparently Capital Hill had a board meeting, put heads together and after careful consideration decided to sign a female rapper whose name is sounds like a bad BBM display name? Talk about kiss of death.

Lil’ Miss Miss

Pardon? I’m sorry, what exactly is she selling? Did a Lil’ Miss, miss her road? I feel like this story is incomplete.

Ice Prince

It must have occurred to Ice Prince at some point before or after he chose this name that he couldn’t be an Ice King without reminding everyone of Cartoon Network’s Adventure time.

ice prince

Skibi

Please brush if you’re reading this out loud, because this is a terrible name by mere pronunciation. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth like cheap candy. See how the words “Mallam give me N20 Skibi” rolls off your tongue?

PepeNazi

No Sir, No. Firstly, this is a typical example of things that happened in high school that should have stayed in high school. Secondly, please forget about an international career in Israel, The United Kingdom, the United States or anywhere in Europe. Just forget an international career.

B-Red

This is another uncreative stage name curated from the combination of the first letter of a real name with a seemingly cool word “red”, to create a combination of what sounds like a light weight STD.

wh3ap

 

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