14 horrendous Nigerian music cliches that should be retired right away

Nyansh

Behind every girl with a bum-bum bigger than Bombay are loving parents, years of home-training and education. The mass of fat held on woman’s lower back can not be the only feature worth singing about. Nigerian music needs to show our women more respect.

 

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Introductions.

Your download links are littered all over social media, we know your voice and you have been re-tweeting your song lyrics all day. We already know who the bloody hell you are, for God’s sake you don’t remind us again by announcing your presence.

Uncredited sampling.

Foreign artists pay the Fela estate millions to use the late afro beat king’s samples. Yet Nigerian artists have a free reign blindly to sample lyrics, instrumentation, rhythm and sound from foreign and local artists alike without proper crediting.

Trying to ride on fame of a dance style.

This is another overused banality of Nigerian music its perpetrators never desist from. Although some artistes have found fame by doing this, the numerous dance music fails the industry has been riddled with over the years have a higher tally.

Ambiguous music videos.

Why is Caro a white woman? Why is a song about the streets shot in Victoria Island? Why does a song about God have unclad women lounging all over the clip? Until these questions are answered, Nigerian music directors need to just stop.

 

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Disjointed lyrics.

Please, we need to be able to make sense of whatever we are listening to. A song about God and having a woman in your bed can, in fact, be two stand alone songs (Of course, we’re looking at you Wizkid.) Don’t be a bastard baby please, just stop.

Song-ception.

Having the same producer doesn’t mean milking the success of the same hit over your next 10 singles. More often than not, one remix is already unnecessary. 2 more indirect remixes layered on new lyrics and a beat similar to the unofficial original song and sung by the same artiste is an overkill nobody wants to hear.

Missing points.

Albums should have a specific subject matter or theme. Your pseudonym represents your brand. A song title should give a glimpse into its content. Similarly, skits must hold information vital to the rounding of an album as a work of art. Nigerian music seems to miss these points all the time by making albums without artistic direction, choosing “cool” stage names that make no sense and song titles that have nothing to do with its content. We collectively demand an end to this tomfoolery.

The howling DJ.

After introducing themselves, It would be bliss for Nigerian DJs who make music to leave the vocals to the artists they featured.

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Social media PR.

Social media hashtag trends and competitions have been over flogged and rendered ineffective for the purpose they were meant for. It is high time artistes and record labels alike retire social media to find new avenues for marketing.

Lipsynching on live performances.

Concerts are supposed to be intimate events where the artist comes from behind the shadows of vocal fx and studio microphones. Therefore, A live performance should be an actual live performance, not the artist randomly yelling “DJ track 4.”

Great singles terrible album.

The same amount of work put into getting a smash hit single, should be put into collective LPs. No fan wants to buy an album with the pre-released singles being the only songs worth a listening ear.

 The lack of tours.

Lagos is not the only place where people listen to music. Nigerian artistes need to explore other parts of Nigeria, Africa and the world to expand their market, revenue points and reduction of the dependency on local promoters.

Double standards on nudity.

If Flavour and Iyanya can be shirtless without reason and be celebrated for it, female artistes should be allowed to dress however they want without judgement or criticism. It’s 2016, lets leave our gender biases where thy belong. In the trash.

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