“Nigerians are mad and have nobody to tell them” a wise man once said. It should, therefore, come as no surprise that Nigerian musicians are not the sanest. To explain what we mean, we present proof that some of your favourite artists are so delusional, they may all need a visit to Yaba-left.
The mind-state of being the baddest.
Sometimes you listen to their music and almost believe this delusion.
And your immediate reaction is
“I’ve Got Money, Money Money”
You can’t really understand the delusion of Nigerian celebrities and their wealth until you listen to M.I’s Bullion Van because there are a lot of unanswered questions.
Does he plan to buy the entire club or just drinks in the club? How will he safely transport so much money to the club? How much do drinks actually cost in Nigerian clubs for one to need a bullion van? and who gave him a bullion van full of money in a country where public funds are constantly missing?
It may be time to make some important calls.
The hustle fantasies.
Apparently, every Nigerian artist has hustled. Don’t mind his Bentley, gold chain or the big booty video vixen wearing Peruvian weave in his FIRST music video. Clearly, we either don’t know this artist’s full story or that he has been spending too much time inside his own head.
“Everybody talking about me on the streets”
Despite all of Nigeria’s many problems like hunger, fuel scarcity, poor power supply and Iyanya’s naked body amongst other things, Nigerian artistes still believe everybody on the streets talks about them. Without a doubt, this arrogant mentality is a mark of insanity because only schizophrenics are known to hear voices from phantom streets.
That we’re their parents
The words “It’s your boy” and “It’s your girl” are two of the most popular phrases spoken by people who are mostly un-famous and definitely not your children.
That foreign video vixens sometimes have Nigerian names.
We are no longer surprised Nigerian artistes shoot a bulk of their video out of the country. We are however surprised to see Wizkid’s Caro is American, Flavour’s Adamma is South African and many songs about an unnamed Sisi-Eko is set in England. The question we are asking is how far from reality are these artists?
That we know what they’re talking about.
Some quick notes to the following people:
- No Sarkodie, we don’t know what time it is.
- D’banj, we still don’t know what the Koko is, stop asking us.
- Dear, Reminisce, when you say “Oti ye e” (“You understand”) we don’t know what we’re supposed to understand and frankly we are afraid to ask.
- Olamide needs to define who an “Omo Wobe” is before we can decide to respond or not.
- And Lil Kesh needs to explain his “Skiborobo Skibo” movement before thanking us for anything.
Haters are lurking everywhere.
“Enemies I’m living my life” – Durella, Enemies
We are unsure if these haters are from the musicians’ village. We are also unsure if the haters are responsible when terrible songs are released by an a-list celebrity. What we know for sure is that an artist and his hating haters delusion are not sold separately, they come in the same box. Paranoid much?
The Sociopath… in his head.
“I murder any rapper/hater/competition”– Says very Nigerian rapper ever that has never hurt a fly.